E3 2017: Microsoft

Ladies and gentleman boys and girls welcome to yet another E3, beginning now in earnest with Microsoft and Project Scorpio. 


Xbox Scorpio – Xbox One X

What was once Xbox Scorpio is now apparently Xbox One X because Microsoft has well and truly run out of ideas when it comes to naming their consoles. Now Microsoft has bandied about a lot of fancy words and some big numbers next to those words but ultimately what does it mean for your average console user? It means it is  ‘capable of delivering 4k graphics.’ Now to me ‘capable’ is the key word there. Just because it can do it doesn’t necessarily mean it will do it. There’s no guarantee of any kind of smooth framerate with that 4k.

It’s the ‘most powerful console ever made.’ And because of that, we’re all supposed to be up in arms? Huzzah and hurrah, it’s the most powerful console ever. Forgive me but that’s like saying look at this turd, it’s the shiniest turd I’ve ever made.

Oh, it’s also small. I’m sure there’s an incredibly cutting insult about something else that’s small but I’m obviously far too mature for such things.

Forza Motorsport 7

The latest entry in the series, Forza Motorsport 7 will be available October 3rd. Other than that cracking bit of news it will apparently run at native 4k and 60fps on the Xbox One X. A piece of information that caused me to miss the next five minutes of the conference while I wiped up spilt tea and recovered from a nearly fatal laughing fit. I can only hope people aren’t taking this Todd Howard level of ‘promises’ and basing their desire to purchase the XOX (which it shall now be referred to as) solely on it.

It has 700 cars, a weather system and puddles. Yes, that’s right. PUDDLES. DYNAMIC PUDDLES! Praise be Microsoft thou hath saveth theth industryeth with thy dynamiceth puddleseth.

Metro: Exodus

This one I’m actually slightly excited. I loved Metro 2033 and Last Light, lovely games that did an amazing job of keeping me on edge. This new iteration is slated to release onto the XOX and PC in 2018 so still a ways off. However, because it’s 2017 and the games industry still hasn’t moved on from this trend, it will have an open world. Russian Fallout anyone? From the footage Metro: Exodus comes across as some weird love child between Stalker and Fallout while trying to maintain it’s horror/fps feel. How exactly that will play out remains to be seen. Maybe it’s just me but I always found one of the key elements of horror was being trapped, isolated and having no idea what might be around the next corner. That’s not the sort of thing an open world lends it to. I can picture it now, right yep ticked off that scary location, now onto the next one for another jump scare.

Player Unknown’s Battlegrounds

Yes, that game that’s absolutely not The Culling, The Hunger Games or anything else will be landing on the XOX late 2017. Unfortunately for those of you with any sense, it won’t be coming to PlayStation 4 right away but there’s still hope for a release one day.


Because of course there had to be something about Minecraft. Microsoft announced cross-play with the Nintendo Switch. Everyone’s taking shots for 3rd party games on the switch nobody asked for right? No? Just me? Oh… it’s going to be a long few days.


Alright, ladies and gentlemen that just about wraps things up. I’ll be back with more news as it comes to you live from the Bethesda Conference. Bringing you all those sweet little lies right as they come out of Todd’s mouth.

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