E3 2017: Bethesda

Here we go folks, it’s the one we’ve all been waiting for. Bring on the sweet little lies. 

I’ll be updating this article throughout the show as things happen so be sure to refresh it. Unless of course, you’d like to watch along with me which you can do here.

If you’d like you’re more than welcome to join in on the little E3 drinking game. I’ll be drinking for:

  • Every executive in a t-shirt and blazer
  • Every lie from Todd Howard
  • Some unnecessary Switch port no-one asked for
  • And if Skyrim 2 is announced I’ll down the whole damn bottle.

So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show with me your host: Another Cynical Fat Man.

2pm: Here we go everyone! Oh look it’s some kids, this is exactly what I’m watching for.

  • I’ll say this, they’ve got a bumping soundtrack, props to whoever picked this
  • Pete Hines sounds like he doesn’t even know what games his company makes

Doom VFR

I’ll admit this one took me by surprise. Gameplay looks fairly chunky but the addition of the ability to teleport seems cool.

Fallout 4 VR

Oh great now I can be extra immersed while being disappointed. Near limitless content” BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA excuse me, everyone, I’m just going to spend about 10 minutes pissing myself laughing.

Elderscrolls Online: Morrowind

Everybody has said ‘this what we’ve been wanting.'” Yes. We asked for Morrowind in discount WOW definitely not Morrowind remastered as a stand alone game. No. Who would ever want something like that?

Creation Club

So you’re relying on other people to make your better even more than you already did? Oh, and you’re making us PAY FOR IT? I have this strange sensation as if a million billion nerds are exploding in rage at the same time. Maybe it was just me but I could have sworn the last time they tried this it pissed everyone off.

Skyrim on the Switch

Right everyone drink! Can’t wait to play Skyrim for 10 minutes at the lowest settings before the battery dies. I’ll admit the use of the controllers seems kind of cool though.

Dishonoured – Death of the Outsider

Say what you will about the game, the rendition of “Drunken Whaler” is great. Well, folks, we’re hitting another level of steampunk. Coming 15/9/2017.

Quake Champions

It looks… cool… I mean the live action stuff is cringy as all hell but this looks pretty cool.

Evil Within 2 

Well… yay? To be honest I wasn’t particularly wowed by the original. I mean it was an okay action horror game. The trailer isn’t doing much to wow me, to be honest. If there’s more of a Prey style of an uncertainty of what’s real and what isn’t then that’ll be cool. Gameplay doesn’t look to be any sort of vast improvement on the previous title. Guess we’ll see on October 13th.

Wolfenstein II – The New Colossus 

Well. This actually looks pretty good. I’m getting echoes of The Man in the High Castle with America under occupation. It’s got it all. Good dialogue, nice graphics, plenty of Nazis to kill and a robot dog to ride. What more could anyone ask for? This truly is the ‘MERICA version of DOOM.

Wrap up

Alright what did we all think of that? Nine projects all to be released by the end of the year and not a single sweet little lie (yet). On the whole, I’m not really impressed by anything I saw here. Creation Club is going to earn Bethesda no end of hatred because why should we pay for something that’s free? I’m all for the optional donation system nexus mods currently has but this is outrageous. Wolfenstein II will probably be something I’ll pick up when I want COD that’s not COD. Other than that nothing really stood out to me.

I’ll be back bright and early tomorrow morning to cover Ubisoft’s conference and then Sony’s a few hours later.

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